Reality Check: Murphy's Laws of Parenting
If it can happen at the wrong time, it will!
by Jennifer Saltiel
The other day, I was bundling up my seven-month-old for a stroll in the park. I changed her diaper and put on her onesie, her pants, her sweater, her jacket, her hat and her booties. Then I fastened her into the stroller and neatly tucked a blanket over her little legs. Just as we were heading out the door, I heard the telltale grunting that let me know that she would soon be in need of another diaper change. Ugh! It's one of the Murphy's Laws of Parenting that I have discovered:
The minute you've fully dressed your baby, she will poop.
There are other Murphy's Laws of Parenting. Perhaps you too have found your life governed by the following:
Upon removal of the baby's bib, even after baby has burped, the baby will inevitably spit up.
Hand-me-down outfits stay perfectly clean. New ones are spit up on.
Corollary #1: The more the outfit costs, the more the baby will spit up on it.
Corollary #2: If mother is wearing a ratty old T-shirt, not a drop of drool will come out of baby's mouth. If mother puts on a new cashmere sweater, whammo!
If baby has been an absolute angel all day while alone with mother, baby will fuss and cry the minute a play date begins.
The baby will sleep when mother needs her to be awake (like during a music class or when someone has dropped by to see the precious one) and stay awake when mother needs baby to be asleep (for instance, at 10pm when mother wants to go to bed).
Baby shall always achieve a new milestone, such as rolling over onto her tummy, the minute mother leaves the room. Someone else will witness it, in order that mother may be told how great it was and what a shame it was that she missed it. (I'm sure Emma will say her first word when I am out of earshot.)
I'm sure I could think of more, but I hear my daughter crying in her crib. Normally, she takes a two-hour nap in the afternoon, but today she decided to sleep just a half an hour. Murphy's Law, I tell you!
More Murphy's Laws to Ponder
The tennis shoes you must replace today will go on sale next week.
Leakproof thermoses will.
The chances of a piece of bread falling with the grape jelly side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
The garbage truck will be two doors past your house when the argument over whose day it is to take out the trash ends.
The shirt your child must wear today will be the only one that needs to be washed or mended.
Gym clothes left at school in lockers mildew at a faster rate than other clothing.
The item your child lost, and must have for school within the next ten seconds, will be found in the last place you look.
Sick children recover miraculously when the pediatrician enters the treatment room.
Refrigerated items, used daily, will gravitate toward the back of the refrigerator.
Your chances of being seen by someone you know dramatically increase if you drive your child to school in your robe and curlers.
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